I have a close friend from secondary school whom I used to hang out with a lot. Recently, she seems uninterested in spending time with me and has started spending more time with her colleagues. She told me that I need to look for new friends. I feel hurt because I thought we were friends and we had supported each other through several difficult times in our friendship. I do have other friends, but I don’t understand why some friendships have to end just because new friends appear.
Ai Jin says
Dear Lonely,
As you spend less time together, you feel that you and your close friend are growing apart and it saddens you. And when she tells you to look for other friends, you can’t help but feel hurt and aggrieved that she does not seem to regard the friendship the same way you do.
I would like to encourage you to view the matter with more optimism. Firstly, telling you to look for new friends may not necessarily mean that your friendship with her has ended. Perhaps she has a direct and straightforward approach, and her intent is to encourage you to meet new people, and that can be beneficial for you. Secondly, hanging out less frequently does not mean less familiarity. While you have less time for each other in this season, you’ll never know that what you both have shared through past struggles could endure in years to come. Thirdly, how about perceiving her decision to spend time with her colleagues as a good thing for her, work wise? Finally, you can view these changes in life as opportunities that bring new growth for everyone.
Friendships may change but they need not end if you each continue to keep in touch. Let her know that your friendship with her means a lot to you and you hope that you can both continue to support one another through each endeavour in life.
