The husband doesn’t value date nights and never puts in effort in planning. He remembers his appointments with his colleagues and friends but nothing about us. Whenever I bring this up, he flares up. I’m tired of the marriage. Should we divorce?
Benny says
Dear Kolo,
Thinking of divorcing your spouse because he seems to ignore you and takes you for granted is a rather extreme response. This is not to minimise your concerns. I know that you yearn for more close intimate connections and deep conversations. When we become “invisible” to our spouse, the hurt and pain it causes can be profoundly felt.
It is good that you have spoken to your spouse about this. His flaring up as a response may indicate that he has a lot on his plate and not that he is indifferent to your needs. If he does not plan and make time for you, why not take the initiative and date him instead? Be considerate of his availability and his interests.
Such moves towards verbal and emotional intimacy may send alarm bells ringing for some men. They may be tongue-tied or not know how to express themselves. If something is troubling them but they have not worked it out themselves, they may not be ready to talk about it. This may seem odd to some spouses who value just the opportunity to talk about things even if no solution may be presented.
Another possibility to consider is whether your spouse’s indifference is because he is harbouring some resentment against you. Perhaps, there has been some unhappiness over an issue that was not resolved to his satisfaction. His rebuff of your request could be his way of showing you his displeasure over the matter. Ask the Lord to reveal if there is some way that you may have offended him and then ask for his forgiveness and make amends. If these suggestions do not work, do consider seeing a counsellor to talk about your options.
