My only adult son, who is single and lives with me, is undergoing a sex- change surgery to become a woman. I am a committed Christian who has been attending church for many years. I know what the Church’s view is on such matters. As a mother, my heart is broken. I can see his features becoming more feminine and dread the day where I will have to call him “daughter”. I wonder how I will face my relatives and church friends who have seen him grow up. I have decided that I will still love him, but I know it will come at a price. Perhaps I will have to leave the Church as I do not want to be judged further by the Christian community.
Ai Jin says
Dear Struggling,
It must have been overwhelming trying to grasp and understand your son’s psychological struggle with gender identity, as well as coming to terms with the decision he is making to undergo sex-change surgery.
Your decision to still love him is important and helps you stay focused on the parent- child relationship and protect familial bonding and acceptance. You are not responsible for the decisions made by your adult son, and you should not need to leave the Church or feel ashamed. Instead, be open that you would be able to find God’s comfort, empathy and support from the Church. You do not have to journey alone.
I hope you can find a trusted friend, pastor or counsellor who can support you in addressing any unhelpful emotions such as self-blame, guilt or shame, and to find ways to help you overcome your fears in facing your relatives and church friends.
