My 17-year-old child has gender dysphoria. As my husband and I are Christians, we have tried our best to share with her about what the Bible says about sexuality and at the same time show her love and acceptance. She has pleaded with us to allow her to go for a sex change surgery and because we refused, she has become distraught and engages in self-harm. Our relationship with her has become very strained. We brought her to see a counsellor but the sessions end up as heated arguments because she will not accept our views and feels that we are imposing our Christian beliefs on her. As parents, we are at our wits’ end. It pains us to see her struggle mentally and emotionally. We also struggle with guilt and wonder how things have turned out this way. ~ Help

A friend has a daughter who is lesbian and has a live-in partner … in my friend’s home. My friend is Christian but her daughter is not. My question is not about my friend’s or her daughter’s choices, but mine, as a parent. Should we bring along my primary-school aged daughter to visit her during Christmas and Chinese New Year, as we used to do? Part of me does not want to expose my daughter to a non-Christian model of family, but yet, to shield her from it seems futile. ~ Awkward

I am in my 40s and married with teenage children. My mother passed away from illness about six months ago. Recently, I found out that my 75-year-old father is dating a foreign lady who is younger than me. He introduced her to us at a family dinner and privately told us that that he plans to let her move into our family home. He then asked me to clear out my old room so she could move her things in. I was very angry and upset. I also do not feel comfortable with this lady, and I feel suspicious of her. I expressed caution to my father, but he is totally caught up with her. I understand my father is grieving, lonely and seeks companionship, but I want to protect him from being taken advantage of. ~ Suspicious

Is an Advance Medical Directive (AMD) allowed in a biblical world view, if we acknowledge that God is in control of our lives? I am going for a surgery and want to be prepared so that my family does not have to face difficult decisions or financial burdens as I am already in my senior years. ~ Singaporean senior

My son has been asking me for a mobile phone after seeing his peers owning one. He is in Primary 4 and I only intend to get him one when he is in Upper Secondary. How should I educate him that he can own a mobile phone but only when he is much older? ~ Wondering Father

My 12-year-old son is very close to me. As his mother, I love him but I do not like the way he clings to me sometimes. Some days when he wants my attention, he grabs my arm and pulls me towards him. As he is getting bigger, I feel tired trying to resist the force of his movements. When he is chastised for disobeying instructions for instance, instead of rectifying his behaviour, he asks me to hug him first. It feels like he’s trying to evade or delay punishment and sometimes I tell him to do what he has to do before coming for a hug. This makes him upset and he has told me before that he feels hurt when I refuse to hug him. I am tired from the physical and emotional demands even though I love him. What can I do to make him understand that I would like some personal space without making him feel rejected? ~ Drained

My close relative has been facing financial difficulties for the past few years. He has approached different relatives or friends to ask for money. Some time back, he shared his challenges and asked me if I could loan him a sum of money. At that time, I told him that I was not able to as I did not have funds. Recently, he found out that I received a big payout and has asked to meet with me. I believe he will be asking for money again. I feel conflicted as he is nice and helpful to all and has done some favours for my family. But I question how he manages his expenses. I want to help but am I enabling him to continue a habit of living beyond his means?

My child is doing decently in school. However, she feels insecure about not having tuition, as many of her peers do. We can afford it; I’m just not sure she needs it. Yet, it’s become a sore point, and I wonder if she sees it as our lack of support. Maybe she is the ambitious type and won’t settle until she is the top of the pack? What should I do?

My only adult son, who is single and lives with me, is undergoing a sex- change surgery to become a woman. I am a committed Christian who has been attending church for many years.

My 21-year-old daughter is currently studying in a university overseas. She managed to enter a prestigious course that is difficult to get into and we were all very happy when she got selected. She is now in her third year of the course with one more year to go before she graduates. During her holidays, she came back home and shared that she did not want to continue her studies. She said she realised that she had no interest in this course and cannot see herself going further. We were shocked. We tried to reason with her and persuade her to finish what she began, pointing out that she would end up with no degree and would have to start from scratch again. She refuses to listen and feels that we are pressuring her because we have paid so much for her overseas education and do not want our money wasted, rather than caring for what she feels. We are also worried that she will regret her decision later. After all, she wanted to do this course. What should we do?

My daughter has always been popular in school. Now that she has started dating, I’ve noticed her relationships last for short periods of time, about 3-6 months, before she moves on to the next guy. Is this normal or should I be concerned?

I’m in my 80s. As seniors, we keep active, but there are moments when we reflect on our mortality. How should we face death which could come at any moment? What is heaven like?

CNY is when families gather, (re)unite and celebrate kinship bonds, like how my family used to over our reunion dinner. However, there’s been a growing rift between my dad and sister, and they’re hardly on speaking terms these days. My parents, both non-believers in their 70s, live with her and her family so it’s three generations under one roof. They disagree on nearly everything since their values and priorities differ. I’ve been praying that CNY might be a good time and place to reconcile but am not sure how to go about this.

As far as I can remember, my parents had a difficult marriage. They never divorced but stayed together for the sake of their children. They would quarrel very often and complain about each other to my siblings and me. They would not speak to each other for many days and would ask us to pass messages on their behalf. As children, we did as we were told. However, the pattern continues today even when I am married and have moved out. My father calls me to vent his frustration with my mother and asks me to speak to her on his behalf. I have told him several times that this is a matter between him and my mother and not to get the children involved. However, I can see that he is very troubled and has no one else to vent his frustration to. By continuing to listen to him and trying to mediate with my mother, am I really helping the situation or encouraging a wrong pattern of behaviour? My parents are not Christian.

Our relationship with our daughter has been hostile for a decade now. Though the three of us are living together, my daughter has been avoiding contact and communication with my wife. Because of the strained relationship, my wife has ever considered evicting her. She believed getting her out of her sight altogether was the only way to deal with the stress of maintaining a fractured relationship. Adding to the problem is that my wife suffers from chronic migraines and IBS. My daughter has been out of a job since the end of last year. It has been a nightmare for me to be caught in between. My wife and I are believers. My daughter is atheist.

I think my nephew may have special needs as he exhibits behaviours that are unusual. But I am not an expert on such matters so I can’t be certain. My sister and brother-in-law are stressed out trying to ensure their child is obedient and behaves appropriately. Should I mention my suspicions to them so that they can consider getting him assessed since early intervention is important? I just don’t know whether they will take to it kindly.

A few years ago, I discovered that I was pregnant with my second child. In the fourth month of pregnancy, the scans revealed that there were developmental issues with my baby. An amniocentesis confirmed the likelihood of genetic conditions that would lead to physical and learning disabilities. My husband and I were devastated and did not know what to do. We sought counselling and even went for healing prayers. Our family members advised us to terminate the pregnancy as the long-term care needs of the child would be tremendous. On the other hand, my Christian friends encouraged us to keep the baby and to trust God for the future. In the end, I chose to terminate the pregnancy as I was already caring for my first child and did not have the capacity or resources to care for a disabled child. I know the Bible is against abortion. Even though what happened is in the past, I still struggle with a sense of guilt. Would God have wanted me to keep my child? Or would he understand that I did not have the ability to care for a disabled child? How do I come to terms with the decision I made?

My family lives with my in-laws. My father-in-law is a well-loved member of a Methodist church and is always in good spirits in public. But at home he has a terrible temper. When he is in a bad mood, he shouts at the family, calls his wife “stupid” and causes the rest of the family to walk on eggshells to avoid being the target of his outbursts. The rest of the family see it as normal and don’t think he can change at this age. Do you have any suggestions as to how I could lead him to change and improve his relationship with his family?

My son struggles with some sensory issues, and exhibits inflexibility and perfectionist behaviours. Since starting primary school, the demands of school have escalated such behaviours, leading to daily meltdowns—hours of screaming, self-harm and incessant erasing and rewriting. However, in school, he is a model student! The whole family’s life has been put on hold, and we are centred around keeping him calm and safe. I feel this is not fair for his older siblings whose needs may have been sidelined. I’ve considered taking him out of school, but many say he will outgrow this behaviour. Will he? How can I manage things better?

Recently, my wife’s cousin’s 18-year-old daughter got into some trouble relating to fraudulent transactions, sex scams, etc. and called me for legal advice. After giving her some preliminary advice and linking her up with a lawyer friend to represent her in the case, she asked me not to tell anyone, especially her parents, of her situation. While I tried my best to encourage her to be upfront and honest with her parents, she refused. Should I tell her parents what happened or maintain confidentiality and hope that she tells them herself?

I have been living with my in-laws since we got married. My husband is the only son and when we got married he asked I was fine to stay with his parents since he has a duty to care for them. They are elderly and my father-in-law has dementia. Now that we have two young kids, I would like my own home and space. I do not get along with my mother-in-law as she is intrusive and feels that since the home is theirs, she can do what she likes, including coming into our rooms. I have spoken to my husband many times but if we move out, there is no one else to help care for his parents. I am frustrated because I not only have to care for my two kids, I have to care for two elderly people who do not appreciate what I do for them. At the same time, I want to submit to my husband as he is the head of the home.

I suspect my young adult daughter is gay and she has a girlfriend who stays over regularly. She has stopped going to church and feels that Christians are very narrow-minded and judgemental. She is supportive towards the LGBT community and attends events like Pink Dot. I am considering if I should ask her directly about her sexual orientation to remove my doubts. At the same time, I know that the truth may devastate me, and I am not sure if I can handle it. Should I leave the matter and just commit to God, or should I proactively speak to my daughter and share the Christian stance on same-sex relationships?

Why does it seem that things are going so well for my brother even though he doesn’t have God in his life? He has a stable job, enjoys his time going out with friends and has found a life partner (albeit a non- Christian), while I spend most of my free time on church activities and have yet to find a life partner. It seems unfair to me.

I’ve had to deal with my mother’s mood swings for the past 16 years since she was diagnosed with bipolar disorder, and prior to that, with her depressive episodes since my father passed away in my teens. Often, to preserve my own sanity and protect my children from the toxicity and negativity, I’ve chosen to keep a distance as each visit leaves me emotionally drained. I continue to care for her and maintain constant contact via text. But I am often made to feel guilty by well-meaning friends who feel I should spend more time with her. Where do I draw the line between honouring my mother, and caring for myself and my family?

I’m a mother of a 2-year-old and have been reading about parenting and discipline as my child goes through the “terrible twos”. There has been growing popularity in positive or gentle discipline, where parents are advised not to carry out corporal (or physical) punishment. Some even advise not to say “no” to bad behaviour (such as hitting) but instead, ignore the bad behaviour or re-direct a child’s attention. Some also advise against telling our child to share their toys, fearing that it will result in a person who is unable to say “no” to others. What are your views on gentle parenting and corporal punishment? Can you advise on tried and tested ways to discipline a child in the way he should go?

My mother’s family is very controlling. When she died, they even exerted influence and control over my father’s finances. After many years of therapy and counselling, I managed to cut ties completely with my mother’s family for the sake of my sanity as they were making unreasonable demands. How do I reconcile my forgiveness and not feel guilty about not maintaining any contact with my mum’s family?

I have an estranged daughter based in Australia. No matter how I try to reach her, she refuses to reply in spite of my apologies for having said hurtful words to her while growing up. How should I untie the knot?

My elderly parents have unreasonably high expectations of domestic helpers. When everyday things are not done their way, they get upset and raise their voices. This causes a lot of tension at home. Many helpers have come and gone, and I am afraid we will soon be barred by the Ministry of Manpower from hiring any more. How do I persuade my parents that they need a mindset change about helpers and to treat them kindly?

My parents divorced some years ago. I was already an adult when it happened. But till today, I struggle with feelings of betrayal, anger, disillusionment and sadness. I live my life in a constant attempt to escape from these feelings. My attempts at gaining closure by talking to my mother were met with, “You were grown up, don’t be so sensitive! / You shouldn’t be affected”, or it would end up in a huge argument. Henceforth, I kept everything to myself. When I think of old times, the tears still start to flow, like it happened yesterday. My mother has remarried, but I still pine daily for my parents and family to be reunited. I don’t want to live like this anymore. How do I move on?

My 16-year-old son tells me that his school (an all-boys school) has a handful of students who have openly declared they are gay, bisexual or gender fluid. How should I handle this as a Christian parent, while showing that it is important to love all our neighbours?